Food, that is! I’ve eaten so much ice cream today that I physically feelll. Yes, it’s been hot, and yes, I’m premenstrual, but still, what is it within myself that makes me want to eat until I’m sick? I know I do not eat for hunger. Not once today was I hungry when I ate the ice cream (3 Klondike bars and 3 scoops of Edy’s loaded choc. chip cookie dough). I know I have body issues. I’m not thin. I’m not obese, but it would improve my overall health if I lost 20 lbs. But you’d think that for survival, the body would NOT want all of the crap that we feed it. My dad had type II diabetes, and I’m ready for it the way I’m going. There is heart disease in my family, and that doesn’t scare me enough to stop eating. I used to be much more active than I am now. Now I prefer sitting and watching movies to riding my bike, dancing, or walking. I will die young if I continue this (I am 38 now). I don’t want to die, or do I? Aren’t I basically choosing an early death by eating this way?
I will try again tomorrow…tomorrow is another day. I want to be good to myself. I want to believe I’m worth it. I want to eat to live, not live to eat. Maybe someday….
